This week, I nearly told someone, "well, my kid had formula and he is fine." But, I stopped myself. This is something that is starting to happen more frequently for me. I've become really aware of the power of words and it has almost rendered me mute in some cases. In my eyes, he is amazing. But, do you ever really know if someone is fine? Or if that person is objectively fine right now, we don't know if she/he will be fine in the future. And what does "fine" even really mean? Could he be 50% cuter if he had had breast milk for another 7 months or more? Would his drawings be even better? Would he be able to play the ukulele perfectly by now?
Maybe it is our post-truth world that is making me afraid to make any definitive statements. I hear so many definitive statements all day long from every side of the political and personal spectrum. But, my fear of saying something that may not be true has left me awash in the ocean of uncertainty. But, one does want a hint of certainty, no?
So, perhaps, the better, more truthful, definitive statement I could have made was, "I know that weaning at 5 months and switching to formula was the best thing for my family." I know that it allowed me to be a more present and joyful mother. I know that it reduced my anxiety about being back at work. I know that it allowed my husband to become closer to my son. I don't think any of those feelings will change in time, regardless of the level of "fineness" that my son may or may not have in the future. But who knows for sure!
There is such a desire as humans to have certainty and with all of the access to knowledge that we have out there, so many humans claim to have authority these days.
Would it hurt us to acknowledge that we are flawed and that we may not know everything? Would it hurt us to be willing to hear about other's experiences? Is there perhaps a better way to communicate with each other? Could this loss of trust in public information help us have higher standards for ourselves, personally, and then, collectively, for our media and government? Could it also give us more compassion to really listen to others?
Regarding parenting, every parent is an expert on his/her child. What worked for one person may not work for another. BUT, I love hearing and will never stop asking about other people's experiences. It makes me feel more connected and less alone. Maybe sharing with others can be less about asserting dominance and more about our shared existence on this beautiful little blue planet?
And, before anyone gets offended, I actually loved the Goop docuseries. Did it turn me into a hardcore Goop fan? No. But, I appreciate her desire to advance the conversation about female health and wellness.
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