Hugh Grant and I say thanks

I grew up in a household where community and socializing were not major priorities.  Our semi-isolation resulted from not only specific personality traits and preferences, but also from our status as immigrants.  Not exactly hermits, we tended to stay in the peripheries of certain social or family circles.  There were times when social engagement was greater than others, but I always remember feeling like a bit of an outsider in those circles, or a temporary interloper.  Although my desire for friendship has always been strong, I was completely convinced that I was a textbook introvert.  

When I first started dating my super social husband, I suffered from a lot of social anxiety.  While I do think that people naturally differ in the amount of social interaction they need in their life, I also think the environment you were raised in plays a big role. I realize now that it was impossible for me to learn or understand how to navigate social norms (and specifically American social norms) when I didn't have an example at home. I learned a lot of those things on my own, on the fly and with very limited context or depth.  So, thanks to all of you that have stayed around amidst all of the awkwardness.  

I've definitely grown, and in the last few years, I've realized that I'm actually quite the extrovert.  I really thrive when I have plenty of social interactions.  As my husband jokes, he brings in the friends and I keep them.  Despite all of that, the awkwardness still lurks around the corner.  It comes back in stressful times, and becoming a parent brought it forth.  I found early motherhood to be so lonely.  I knew there were mom groups out there, I was told to join mom groups and I even attempted to go to some classes with Javi.  Everyone at those classes already seemed to have a friend and if I tried to chat with people, it always felt forced and I always felt like I was coming on too strong.  "DESPERATE LONELY MOM SEEKS OTHER DESPERATE LONELY MOMS TO BE DESPERATELY ALONE, BUT TOGETHER?"  

After those failed attempts, I started sharing more of my journey on social media.  The good, the bad, the ugly and the TMI.  And all of a sudden, people started reaching out, both through social media and through other forms of communication.  Old friends, acquaintances, former colleagues, friends of friends and family from all over the world.  Bonds were created or strengthened.  I may not have a physically close tribe that I see on a regular basis, something I ultimately wish I had, but that is hard to do in NYC with kids.  But I have all of you.  While many don't wish to share about their children on social media (which I completely respect and understand), I'm grateful that so many people know and care about my children.  I hope that I'm creating a tribe for them to be with them as they grow, because I know very well that I cannot provide them with everything they will ever need.  But mostly, this tribe has meant the world to me in the last couple of years.  You've uplifted me in dark times, you've provided connection in the loneliness of early motherhood, you've helped me navigate sleep regressions and potty training (okay that one isn't navigated quite yet, but will be eventually), you've celebrated milestones and successes and most of all, you've laughed with me about the ridiculousness that is life in general and parenting specifically.  

So, Hugh Grant (who plays awkward but lovable to perfection and whose movies are secretly some of my husband's favorites) and I say thank you for being a part of the tribe and for following our journey.