It has been a bit since I've been able to post. Life became a perfect storm of craziness for a few weeks with work, personal stuff, my certificate program, etc., etc. We've had several intense ups and downs in the last few weeks and I felt a bit emotionally paralyzed by it all. As my therapist says, the cumulative effect of being quarantined for 6 months (6 MONTHS!) is getting to everyone. It is wild that I actually have to take the time to remind myself of everything that is going on in the world and in our personal lives in order to have proper prospective.
So, we are still in the same place we were at my last post, but I think we've had a lot of spiritual and personal growth during that time. The lessons we were starting to learn have really started to sink in and are become normal thinking. I've been sounding like a broken record lately because I feel like I have to keep telling myself and Ryan that all this hard time is a worthy endeavor. Addressing systemic and personal racism, even if it can be excruciatingly painful and uncomfortable is a worthy endeavor. Seeking more fulfillment in Ryan's career, no matter how long it takes, is a worthy endeavor. Along with their caretaker, being everything for the kids right now since they can't do classes or school or easily play with friends is a worthy endeavor. Sticking with science and following COVID rules as closely as possible, while seeing SO MANY people going about their lives like normal, not wearing masks, etc. is a worthy endeavor.
We are alive, healthy, we have the means to weather this storm for a bit longer and we have our beautiful and wild children. So for now, we are trying very hard to be content in our current reality. Emphasis on "trying." I hope all of you have managed to find some peace in this storm. If so, please share!!
I had a few more lighthearted stories to share, but unfortunately, the below 2 were the only ones that were written before I found out about Ruth Bader Ginsberg's death. And now, the lightheartedness has escaped me. While I'm devastated for what this means for our Supreme Court, I cannot help but feel that the poor woman was working so hard to stay alive for all of us and I wish her so much rest in peace and power. Thank you for your service.
1. We are trying to raise the kids bilingual, which means I have to speak Spanish all the time to them, and while I'm fluent-ish, I'm still more comfortable in English. This has worked out okay until now, when communication has gotten more complicated with Javi. Let's just say Alexa is working overtime providing translations for more complicated vocabulary. I don't know if it is my exhaustion with speaking Spanish all the time or my work to dismantle dumb gender norms, but I've become incredibly frustrated by having to teach Javi "proper" pronouns. Right now he calls everyone "hombre" and refers to everyone as "he/him." It feels so dumb that I have to explain to him the differences. Can't we just use "they/them" and refer to everyone as "that person?" Like, what do the pronouns actually do other than reinforce gender norms? Who cares if someone is a boy or a girl? You know? Anyway, our curious Javi is currently asking "what is happening" about EVERYTHING so we will be on the street and he will point to someone and ask loudly, "WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT HOMBRE???"
2. I was really struggling to get out of a funk today, so I took a break from work to learn the WAP TikTok dance. Yes, you heard me right. It has been so long since I've learned a dance, so I looked up a tutorial on Youtube basically made for grandmas. I proudly learned the dance within the 15 minute tutorial and managed to only do 4 takes before I had a decent version. I sent it through Instagram using the "view only once" option to a small number of unlucky friends that had to watch a 37 year old mother of two attempt some dangerous dance moves for 15 seconds. I am proud I didn't pull any muscles, but I expect tomorrow I may be in pain. Best 30 minute work break I've ever taken.
Friends, until the next time I can eke out some time and energy, I wish you well!
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