As expected, but for additional unforeseen reasons, it was an emotional week. I'm always emotional at the end of August because it signals the start of school, an end to summer (which in NYC means people returning to the city from vacation homes), a fun Labor Day weekend getaway (not happening this year) and the approach of fall (my favorite season). This year, it also signals our last week working at my sister's place. But the hardest thing this week was another senseless Black shooting at the hands of police. The Jacob Blake story broke my heart, then seeing so many people justifying his shooting and justifying the 17 year old killing people has me close to depression. The party conventions have also ignited so much hate and divisiveness on social media, that I am considering taking a break or greatly limiting my consumption until after the election. It's too much and too ugly. I pray that God help heal us as a nation and help us view each other as individuals, all of whom are worthy as children of God.
The end of August was also our informal deadline for when Ryan would probably be employed again. As that has yet to happen, we entered a bit of a panic this week. Given the pandemic, it clearly wasn't the correct assumption. Although, I don't think there is a correct assumption for re-employment given these (oh dear, I'm sorry to use this) UNPRECEDENTED TIMES. Can we come up with a new phrase for this? Unbearable times? Chaotic times? The worst year of our lives?
Dear So & So,
I hope this email finds you sane during this, the worst year of our lives. As we all come to grips with the shit show that is our political system, and how racist we have all been this whole time, could I interest you in some diet tea? I've lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks and no, it isn't from the COVID I picked up at the non socially distanced party I stupidly decided to attend the other day. I promise. Back to the tea, we all know Zoom adds 10 pounds, so join me in losing the COVID 30!
Grateful you are alive and have gained some quarantine weight so you might be an easy target,
So & So
We've been forced to really assess what is important to us. And what we've found is that it has drastically changed. It seems wild to me that at this time last year, I was gearing up to enter the fray of Manhattan private preschool applications. If we stay here, Javi may still end up attending the school we deferred since preschool is not available at our local public school. However, when I was initially applying, I was giving so much thought to how this preschool would affect his chances of getting into other private schools for elementary school and beyond. We have really changed our views and will likely send our kids to public school, the least racist choice. I say "likely" because we don't yet know if they have any special needs that the public school system can't handle. It is amazing how you can have certain moral values and then get caught up in the rat race, especially in NYC. The way we've decoupled certain actions from their actual intentions (like White parents taking their students out of the public school system for racist reasons) and wrap it up in a bow (we just want the best for our kids) is insane. And I am the first to admit that I was on that trajectory.
Besides the school decision, we've decided that we would rather live within our means than try to uphold a specific lifestyle. We've decided that work shouldn't provide us our whole identities and thus shouldn't take up all of our emotional space. We've decided that we would rather make less money and be less stressed than be in the rat race. We've decided that we would like our kids to grow into themselves at their own pace, with love and acceptance. We've decided to care more about our kids being kind and caring than about their accomplishments. We've decided not to push them into the rat race starting in preschool.
So, it was a big week. It is scary to write the things above because I think those decisions are a bit radical. But I want to always remember and hold myself accountable to them, because for me, it feels true and right. I want to live in the way that feels true and right, even if it seems radical. It feels more aligned with Jesus' teachings.
A few parting random thoughts...
1. If you need some news that isn't rage inducing, I highly recommend following the birth of the new panda at the Smithsonian Zoo. And if you do, please tell me what heavenly lottery did pandas win to be able to give birth to such TEENY babies??? A petite mother that underwent 2 c-sections would like to know.
2. Anyone else notice they've started following a lot more Instagram therapy accounts? No? Just me? I mean, it's free therapy and not angry politics. Just saying.
3. One really disappointing thing I've discovered about having to wear masks is that they do not filter bad smells. This has been especially apparent during the usual NYC in August where the entire city smells like a rat that just recently died on a trash pile after urinating all over it.
4. Speaking of recent deaths, my sister's building instituted required temperature checks for visitors a few weeks ago. I am here to tell you first hand that while this measure seems like it should be a good way to protect against COVID, it all comes down to implementation and accuracy of equipment. Let's just say that on most days, my temperature is around 85 degrees and one day it was 75 degrees. I'm pretty sure that means I'm either dead or a vampire. Ryan and I like to joke about how many hours dead we are each day after receiving our temperature readings. I'm also really glad these are going into a handwritten log that someone can review one day and wonder if a symptom of COVID was actually stupidity or if the building was full of vampires.
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