10 Random Thoughts in the Time of Coronavirus

1.  Ryan and I have similar stress dreams that take place at the end of a school year (high school for me, college for him) where you find out you forgot to attend a specific class for the entire year. I've run 2 marathons, graduated from college and law school, taken the NY bar exam, worked at a law-firm, stayed up for 48 hours closing a deal, quit my job with no idea what I was going to do next, dealt with 2 major family deaths and had 2 c-sections. But for some reason, in that dream, the realization that I didn't go to this high school class is DEVASTATING. Beyond devastating. What does this mean??? Is school just some torturous thing to which we subject our children? Was achievement in school so important in our specific families that we will never get over the pressure? Are we just huge school nerds and nobody else has this kind of dream? Will Coronavirus stress dreams ultimately replace the school ones? 

2. A pandemic will really help with sorting through codependency issues.There is no emotional space to obsess about managing or controlling other people's emotions, especially when you have very little management over your own. Moods shift so wildly from one moment to the next, there is zero use in investing too much energy in them. I'm trying to just ride the waves patiently and compassionately, provide comfort when I can and otherwise, keep my focus on my own well-being. The more I care for myself, the more patience and compassion I can give others. 

3.  Coronavirus cravings are even stranger than pregnancy cravings. Right now, I'm eating a tomato a day. I have tomato with nearly every meal and have even considered just chomping down on it like an apple. I've always liked tomatoes, but this is next level. I guess there are worse things I could be craving and eating daily? 

4. Ryan and I have learned a lot about each other during this time. Ryan gets really stressed about being in one room for a long time. During the week, he purposefully spends time in the living room at night because we spend most of the day in our room working. Meanwhile, I happily spend nearly 21 hours in our bedroom during the week. However, I have a sensitivity to light, which Javi shares, so we are constantly turning lights off while Ryan is constantly trying to get us to turn lights on. He calls us his bats.  

5. Maternity leave happens to be a great way to prepare for social distancing. We realized the other day that I actually get out into the rest of the apartment more than I did during my maternity leave for Liv. My maternity leave with Javi was in the dead of winter and during a bad flu year, so I never went out and at that time we lived in a shoebox. So, for me, the staying in part isn't that terrible! I've basically self-quarantined for 4 months straight twice in my life, so I'm doing okay on that front. I've already been doing Bar Method online workouts for the last 3 years as my main source of exercise, so that wasn't a big change. Maternity leave also made me more reliant on social media and the internet for social interactions, so nothing new there except I have a lot more people engaging with me now!

6. If one person in a married couple gets Coronavirus and the other one doesn't, does that tell us something about the state of their marriage or should we just assume they practice good hygiene?

7. People have WILDLY different interpretations of the facts and guidelines for staying safe. The same way you can't convince someone to change a deep-seated political opinion, you cannot change their opinion on how to follow safety guidelines. For some, as long as you stay 6 feet away from people, there is zero chance you can get the virus. For others, the allowance for walks and grocery store trips means anything that remotely resembles those two things or combining those two things in various ways is totally okay. Still others believe that not enough is known about this virus and any exposure to the outside right now involves a risk, so please don't suggest that they should go out for anything. Honestly, I would rather debate abortion right now than how to properly follow the Coronavirus guidelines. 

8. Imagine being quarantined with an elderly person with worsening dementia who asks you to explain what is going on each day because she doesn't remember and you have to fully explain the Coronavirus situation each day to both of your horrors. Nobody has it easy during this thing. 

9. Zoom work meetings are so weird because everyone tries to act like business as usual but in reality, most people are probably in the middle of some personal drama, like trying to convince their parents to be safer, or worrying about finding some sort of basic necessity, or worrying about how to deal with their kids, or worrying about a family member or friend that has or may have Coronavirus. Some days it is nice to go through the charade of acting like everything is okay, but some days it feels like an unbearable task. And you know what? This probably isn't any different during non-pandemic life and the fact that such emotional creatures with such complex social and family dynamics are able to sustain a world economy is a miracle. 

10. Toddlers have longer memories than I expected. Javi has been reminiscing about our two weeks at the beach last summer. He asks to go to the beach to play in the sand. I'm heart-broken for him, but also so grateful that we decided to make that trip. It also makes me realize how much adventures like those are important, even when they are young.

 11. Fads are incredibly hard to avoid and if Ryan and I don't watch Tiger King soon while eating a home-baked loaf of bread, we are going to be the losers of the internet. I announced to him today that I think we are too late and should just forgo it completely. He disagrees. Does it count that we are finally watching the Mandalorian?

Until next week, my friends.