Ryan and I got to hang, face-to-face, with very dear friends, enjoying drinks, adult conversation and long dinners every night. Our souls were replenished. But, as is always the case with kids, it is easier to manage them at home, so we happily made our way back home on Sunday (and by happily I mean there was too much screentime, a tantrum/vomit incident and I had to sit on the floor of a rented Suburban for 2+ hours to keep the peace).
I have a few important takeaways from the weekend. To get through the rest of the pandemic, I need to find ways for our family to periodically (meaning every couple of months or so) interact more intimately with friends/family. If both sides take proper quarantining measures before and after, a vacation quarantine pod can be done fairly safely. Humans are not built for isolation!
But, my biggest realization was Ryan's transformation as a father and partner. As he has been unemployed for the last 2 months, the dynamics have shifted at home. As much as I complain about carrying a lot of the management burden for the household, I had a hard time delegating to him. This was my issue, as he offered from the get go to take on more responsibilities. But, I struggled to hand them over. I don't know if it was a control issue on my part, or the idea that I didn't want to get out of the habit since I would most likely go back to managing everything once he got a job. In the last few weeks I've let go, and during vacation, I did the ultimate letting go which was allowing him to wake up with the kids every morning (they were waking up at 5:45am every day) and letting me sleep in until 7:30am (I know it doesn't seem like it, but it was a huge luxury). And you know what? I was a better mother. I had more energy to bring to the kids the rest of the day (because they still run to me first whenever I'm in their sight). It was a huge gift. While contemplating that gift, I also realized how much more helpful he has become as a co-parent. He now actively spots ways to be more efficient without me having to make suggestions. He is anticipating needs and actions. And he is doing it so well. I cannot tell you how much this has changed my quality of life. I feel like we are co-running an operation instead of me being a dictator, constantly nagging an underling.
Will this dynamic shift back to our previous dynamic once he is employed? Perhaps. But, I feel like advancing in parenting is something that is very hard to step back from. I am hoping it will look more like a rejuggling of responsibilities. It also makes me realize what a difference more paternity leave would do for families.
Before I get into my random thoughts, I wanted to share that I'm in the process of taking a critical look at my attempts to amplify Black and Queer voices on Instagram. I share posts of people I admire with the hope that people will start following those voices. What I am seeing is that this isn't necessarily happening. I check the follower lists of the people that I'm trying to amplify and am always disappointed to see only a handful of my followers following them. So what does my posting actually accomplish? Although I don't mean it to be, is it basically performative activism? Perhaps I can do more in my posting to showcase the person and maybe that will drive more direct amplification? If you follow me, how do my posts make you feel? Does it make you want to learn more or to follow the person I'm posting? If not, what can I do (if anything) to make you more interested in expanding your feed? I've considered no longer posting, but I don't think silence is the answer either. There is just so much I am learning while listening to different voices and I want people to join me! So, I will continue thinking about better ways to encourage people to expand their feeds. If you have ideas, send them my way!
1. As the Emmy list came out, I'm so thrilled to see so many Black actors nominated! I also was pleasantly surprised to see 8 nominations for the one show I've been watching the last couple of months during COVID. If you haven't seen "What We do in the Shadows," run to your nearest Hulu streaming device. It is a mocumentary series about vampires living in Staten Island and it is my happy place. It makes me maniacally laugh and we all need maniacal laughter during this miserable time.
2. I've decided that something is wrong with my arms. They are unable to hold any type of muscle strength I attempt to gain. I stopped doing barre workouts for a few weeks because of, well, I don't really have an excuse, they just didn't happen. Last week, I did an arm workout and I am still sore. However, I did a leg workout and it was like nothing happened. Why is there such a difference??? Why does lifting my big 'ole babies all the time do nothing for my arm strength? Is there a medical explanation?
3. The other day, I had a vision of the future of Javi and Liv making fun of us. For some reason, whenever we decide to watch tv, one of us will say, "Fire it up!” (insert giant cringe) I tried to remember when this first started happening, but sadly, I don't think we can blame it on COVID. We are becoming boring, cheesy parents that will cause our children millions of hours of embarrassment. I can't wait.
4. I've decided to be more explicit about providing context on my photos if we are interacting with other people (insert all of you laughing because we've interacted with less than 10 people in 4 months). I feel we have a responsibility to provide context during this time. I see a lot of images/videos where it is unclear whether people are following the COVID rules. I try to assume that I'm seeing a snapshot of someone's life without context, that maybe those aren't random people they are hanging out with, but part of their COVID pod, and that they aren't wearing masks because even if it doesn't look like it, other people are properly 6 feet away. I know, I know, I'm a COVID rule freak, but I just worry that if we don't set a good example, people already teetering on COVID fatigue will be inspired to flout the rules and the numbers will skyrocket again. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO FULL LOCK-DOWN.
5. Javi's two-year-old tantrums have been morphing into something new. Before, he would start whining and saying, "help me just a little bit" while hanging on to your body, attempting to climb you so that you will pick him up. Now, he has started this dramatic cry/cough, which, as you can imagine, in the time of Corona, is very jarring. I am wondering if he somehow picked up that a dry cough is a sign of COVID and he realizes this is a way to get our attention. Smart kid.
6. Ya'll, Liv ain't having nothing from nobody and I'm all about it. I don't know why, but to see such a small, fragile-looking, porcelain doll stare daggers at strangers and stand up for herself against her big brother is VERY satisfying. She knows exactly what she likes, what she doesn't like and she advocates very strongly for her needs. It makes me wonder if a lot of us ladies started out like this and somehow society made us feel we had to act differently. I'm going to protect this part of her just as fiercely as she fights for her right to take up space and to do and eat the same things as Javi.
7. I hit a new low in terms of COVID grooming. I haven't gotten my eyebrows or lip waxed since early March. Since I'm not seeing people in person, I haven't worried too much about it. However, last week, Javi and I were sitting on the sofa as he was having a snack and he looked at me hard and declared, "Mama has hair on her face." He says this to Ryan all the time and usually says, "Mama has no hair on her face." I asked him to show me where and he pointed to BOTH corners of my mouth. So, I'm waiting on my waxing kit to come in from Amazon Prime. Nothing like a child to tell you the truth.
No comments:
Post a Comment